me: (worries about all the things I haven’t done yet)
me: (still doesn’t do them)
- student: hey government can I have some money to go to university
- uk government: sure here you go. you'll have to pay it back but only when you're earning £21,000+ a year, and if you don't pay it off after 30 years we'll just write it off, don't worry about it man
- scottish government: nah man just go to uni we ain't gonna charge you
- us government: no. you gotta pay it yourself. upfront. your parents have to save up from the moment you're born. good luck, fucker. you have six months after graduating to start paying loans so you better pray to fucking god and jesus that you have a well-paying job by then or be prepared to be fucked up the ass without lube.
if yr atheism involves belittling people’s faith and attempting to prove to everyone that god doesn’t exist don’t talk to me don’t come near me don’t breathe on me thanks
Pros of wearing all black: looks so badass
Cons: everyone knows I had powdered donuts
This didn’t go the direction I expected. It was much better.
"why dont you just give him a chance"
idk because im not physically or mentally attracted to him and ‘but he likes you’ or ‘but hes really nice’ isnt going to change the fact that im not interested
Damn, I don’t think women know how much that really hurts
- Early Feminists: Oh hey, we see that you can vote. We would like to vote also. I mean, since most of those laws effect us too and all.
- Men: YOU JUST WANT SUPERIORITY OVER MEN!
- Mid-century Feminists: Hey, that whole thing about how you can have careers and earn a living wage outside the home? Yes that sounds nice, we'd like the option to do that as well.
- Men: YOU WANT A MATRIARCHY, THAT'S WHAT YOU WANT!
- Late 20th century Feminists: Hey we would like to make our own choices about our reproductive health, just like you've always had.
- Men: YOU ARE TRYING TO TAKE MEN'S RIGHTS AWAY!
- Modern-day feminists: Hey, if you could you stop sexually assaulting/harassing us and them blaming us for it, that'd be pretty great.
- Men: THIS IS MISANDRY, MISANDRY I SAY! FEMINISTS HAVE GONE TOO FAR!
- Feminists: Um...
- Men: THE END OF MEN IS NIGH! MALE OPPRESSION IS REAL! THE MATRIARCHAL AGE IS UPON US!
don’t date someone you wouldn’t have a harry potter movie marathon with